Monday, December 26, 2011

An Idea of a Perspective

Last weekend I spent half of my day with one of my childhood friends who is also one of my bestfriends. When she asked me to accompany her, soon I assumed that there was something happened to her. Besides, I noticed that in the past couple of days she kept posting Facebook status which were all gloomy and sad. Always mentioning about being strong and all that kind, so clearly those meant that I needed to talk to her or at least console her. Hence, I said yes to her invitation.
We went out with our other friends, singing crazily in the karaoke, laughed too much, and finally had a lovely late dinner. We had fun and I believe she did too. Afterwards, I thought the fun probably had eased her sadness a little bit, so I asked her about what actually had happened. She explained that it was something between her and her "no-strings-attached" boyfriend, whom I happened to meet just couple of times. Long story short, the guy, that she's been close to for about a year, suddenly disappeared and was always busy when she reached him, somehow. Within days, she found out that the guy, yet again somehow, had times to have dinner with his ex. She told me then that what bumped her the most was not because he preferred to be with another girl, but actually the fact that he didn't tell her anything about it and he didn't even make any effort to explain it to her. She was sad and... confused. I imagine. I mean, come on! A year is NOT a short term of time. There must have been feelings, connections, or chemistry between them that at least might trigger his sense of humanity or decency to put a clear air and finish them with maturity, but he simply did not, she said.

She explained briefly and I just remained silent, because I was thinking. This was obviously not the first time I heard about this kind of story and I am pretty sure it isn't your first either. Too many people have encountered this kind of situation, directly or not. So what happen actually? Does it mean that this world has filled with too many bad people? Or wait... I should've asked you all these first. Does he a bad guy? Do all the people who did it should be called and tagged as the BAD PEOPLE?

To me, all those same stories I heard over and over again made me come to the thought that there is NO BAD GUY in this world. There's no such person. It is solely just the matter of your PERSPECTIVE. The perspective of the situation itself. The way you see it in a different way and manner. It shouldn't matter why it happen or even who does it to you, but what you can see behind it should be the matter.  Well, it is said that everything happens for a reason, isn't it? Thus, I believe that everybody is basically a nice person and deserve all the good things in his/her life. When tough problems try very had to drag you down through a person's action or way of treating towards you, think clearly that there are millions of reasons behind them, so you may be able to not blame anyone, especially yourself and get a better outcome from them. It doesn't necessarily mean you just surrender and let everybody else do such things to you. You just dignify the actions maturely with a whole other way that you may take a lesson from in the future. That it happens to you because it is meant to be, because God speaks through His strangely working universe. You probably don't realize it now, but you will. In a mere time. 

Here is another thing. Every each of us wants to be happy and will try to do anything to make ourselves happy. That's a common knowledge. However, there are also situations when we want others to be happy and will try to do anything to make them happy. That's when love and care involve. Therefore, if you really care those persons, if you really love them, you will try anything, insanely anything to make them happy regardless what they do to you, like heartily letting them go and still praying for their happiness. Well, let's just say that it is YOUR WAY to pursue your own happiness. Strange, but that's how I believe universe works.

Good luck pursuing your happiness, my fellow God's creatures and may we all be blessed and get what we deserve.  Cheers!


Saturday, December 3, 2011

Blessing in Disguise


Some months ago, I put myself drowning into this one thought of a failure, or a broken heart, or an unsuccessful attempt. Let me ask you something, how many times has it happened to you? Once (I believe not)? Twice? Multiple times? Or… Countless times? I’m pretty sure that all of us must have been there at least once, but those of you who have been there for so, so many times, don’t you wonder why does that shi**y situation keep coming at you over and over again? Don’t you think that you’ve got already enough of that? Don’t you think that you’ve fallen enough till’ you have no... idea how tiring this make you? 
Frankly saying, I do. However, keep questioning will get you nowhere. 
I once asked my mom those same questions and she answered by saying that (Oh, I am so blessed for having such a consoling mother)... For every fall you get, means that you deserve an upgrade. If you think it's kind of a technical upgrading, then yeah, you're there. So actually, God is simply like your computer repairer. He needs to run some test first before He is sure that you are compatible for a better and newer version of... you. Well, I believe He already knows that, but do you? You see, that is exactly why you have to be aware that disguises are just some hidden blessings. I didn't say that, but Rumi did. I am just quoting. Hehehe.   
So, stop questioning, people! Be sad, angry, or mad if you need to. Take all the time you need to seize and release it, but remember! When you're done with the emotions, thank God first and then start to MOVE ON. You don't wanna miss the blessings you're about to get, do you? So come on, keep going! They're not gonna go anywhere. They're just looking forward to meeting you :)

Monday, September 5, 2011

It's too freakin' damn dark and cold!!!

O, my! This blog is one super SAPPY and GLOOMY blog... Seriously! Eventhough I did mean it for this, but this is just too much! Some joy for this blog, please! Ahahaha... =D

Monday, August 8, 2011

Time for me to stop

There's always time like this in life. When you feel so low, rejected, unwanted, and lonely. It's killing inside and outside. Really. So it's never gonna be the situation you want to occur frequently, but what if it did happen frequently? What would you do? What should you do? Some people say to enjoy it, which now seems to me doesn't make any sense at all. To begin with, how could you enjoy something that disturbs you, destroys you? And besides, it's exhaustion that will come if you keep pretending to be fine with it, yet it pushes you over and over again. So we're back to the question of what you should do and where we end up? Nowhere. Thus, it means nothing. Nothing to do. It sucks. DAMN!!!

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Peace, perfect peace...



Taking a deep breath

Holding onto it as if it were the last breath to take

Counting on every bit of oxygen that gets into your lungs, contaminates them

And... release it! Release it with a brightly smile and joy you are blessed with. 

Oh yes, you are living the time of your life

You are making peace, a perfect peace with yourself

So it's okay to stop for awhile and ponder over it

Take your time, until you are ready to take another breath 

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Imparar a hablar español (learning to study spanish)

Yippieee... Hmm, how do you say yippie in Spanish? Well, anyway. I just registered this afternoon for a spanish class at LBI FIB UI with my long-time friend, Dessy, who went also to Italy for AFS exchange program in 2002-2003. We are gonna start the class on Saturday, May 7, 2011 and we are so... super excited! It will take only once a week, but for 4 hours. Hopefully it's gonna be my big channel for my big future to get a scholarship for master degree to Spain. Amen! :)
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Tuesday, April 19, 2011

A Letter to Tuhan (Part 3)

Dear Tuhan,

Apa kabar hari ini? It's been quite sometimes the last time I wrote You. It was on Dec 24, 2009 (Wow, it was christmas eve! hahaha. I really didn't realize that, but it didn't mean anything. You knew exactly why I wrote at that time. hehehe :)). 
Well, I guess You must be pretty busy with everything going on in this universe, but here is me, one of your little creatures want to send You a little message today. It has to and must be today. You know why...

Tuhan, I know I haven't been really grateful to all the blessings You've given me so far. I keep whining and complaining about every single thing without never giving my best effort to appreciate this one shot life I am living. My deepest apology to You, Sir! Thus, here's my writing to You as the list of what I think You definitely need to help me to make things better between US (which of course You know it already, obviously. It's just gonna be for the sake of my own good, so that I can remember what I ask to you today clearly well enough ^^)

1. Graduated in Mid of 2012 and Cum Laude
It's gonna take the hell out of me to make it happen, because as You know, I am just an average student and there are ZILLION things that are CAPABLE of distracting my focus of studying. Therefore, I really need your help on this. 

2. Obtained one of the scholarships to take master degree in Sustainability Development
I really want to contribute to the community and I think this may be the best tool. I want to prove not only to the world, but especially to myself that I am not just any other person. I am someone. I may be a little person, but still someone whom others may count on. 
Oh, and Tuhan... the place doesn't really matter to me. Seriously! I simply want the knowledge. As much as possible.

3. Financially independent
This one is actually the most urgent one.  So, it's gotta be as soon as possible.

4. Happy as it should be...
I guess make a peace with myself is what I need for now. Truthfully and honestly, I am tired of having this hard battle with myself, Tuhan. So please, If You would help me... please stop joking around with us! I am no good in any war or battle, neither is myself. We are the worst! You know that. Just make everything as simple as possible. I am gonna be very thankful to You for this.
From all of those above, the most important is that I just simply want to make my parents happy. They are my all and everything. Nothing really matter if I can't make them happy, because I always think that I am alone, all by myself here, but then I realize that there are these people who NEVER gonna leave no matter what I do or what I say. So yeah, Tuhan. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please. Show me how, lead me to the way, help me to struggle for it!

Well, it isn't so much to ask to You, is it? Hehehe. Terima kasih banyak. You are the best, Tuhan! HIGH FIVE!!! ;)




Saturday, April 16, 2011

sooner or later


This afternoon, I had a nice 'myself' time before class in the evening. Sitting alone at the lake side at my campus, the breeze nicely kept coming, and fortunately I had music as a warm companion. You should try it sometimes, guys! It was so relaxing, especially if you just had a pretty rough night battling with your own thought the day before. Hehehe :)

Well, honestly saying (I know that this may sound so clichè to you, but believe me! I felt it!), this 'myself' time made me thinking that problems in life are just inevitable. I believe that none of us has no problem in life. It just comes along with your life. You definitely never like the situation, but there's nothing you can do, except dealing with it. In some cases, it even takes quite some times for you to get out of it, but eventually... Someday, it will be over. Perhaps you need to cry until your tears run dry, you need to scream until you lose your voice, you need to fight until you bleed or even are dying, but it's gonna be over. Sooner or later. I am not telling you to hope that everything is gonna be okay, because hoping may kill you (seriously!). I am just telling you to believe it. At the end, you're gonna get out of this serial killer... Alive! Surely wounded, but still... Alive!
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Friday, April 15, 2011

Conversation of Life and Love: 3rd part

There was this one time. There was life and there was love. Accidentally love gave life a visit…

 

Looking so surprised, life shouted a little: “Love! What makes you come here… again?”

Love replied with a quite confused face: “I come here to you after all these times and all you can say is just that? For heaven sake, Life!”

Life: “Indeed… I wasn’t expecting you at all. It’s so surprising!”

Love: “Well, it always happens this way, right? We both never know when, why, or how about my visit.”

Life: “That’s true, but you know what? Your visit, whether it’s a long one or not, always make me thinking and imagining in a constant and unstable way. I don’t like that.”

Love slightly punched life’s shoulder while saying: “Hey, Life! It all depends on you.”

Life emotionally and satirically replied: “Yeah, right! As if I am not unfair enough as a person. Everything always seems unfair to me, because every time you come to me, I know eventually I have to let you go. It hurts, it’s bitter, but I’ve got to be tough for myself, at least. Thus, it does NOT depend on me, Love.”

Love: “Okay, okay. I got your point. My question is if you know already that at the end you have to let me go away from you, why can’t you just simply embrace my presence? At least while I’m still here. I am quite sure you probably think it will be so harmful for your heart to do it, but don’t you want to take that risk? Come on! Admit it! YOU ARE LIFE! It is your part to take the risk, struggle, work your ass off, and get the big shit jerk along the way. I am sorry, but it’s true, right?”

Life realized that what love said was true, so life just nodded and added: “Yeah…”

With a bright smile, love held life tightly: “At least for now, my dearest best friend… We have our moment together when we agree on living harmoniously while I am still here.”

Slowly, life put a little smile on the face and said: “Hmm, yeah. While you are still here…”

Love: “And you are going to remember it as the time when love was here.”

Life: “Yes, the time when love was here… when you were here. Thanks, love!”

Love smiled again: “You are very much welcome, life!”

Friday, March 25, 2011

To the memories of my late aunt, Sila Said


My deepest sorry for missing so many moments together. My deepest sorry for letting you down so many times when you needed me. My deepest sorry for no proper farewell between us. 

This saturday, March 26, 2011 will be the 40th day of your commemoration. My warm hug and salutation for you, my dearest aunt.

                                May you rest in peace

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Sementara by Float

Sementara teduhlah hatiku
Tidak lagi jauh
Belum saatnya kau jatuh
Sementara ingat lagi mimpi
Juga janji janji
Jangan kau ingkari lagi

Percayalah hati lebih dari ini
Pernah kita lalui
Jangan henti disini

Sementara lupakanlah rindu
Sadarlah hatiku hanya ada kau dan aku
Dan sementara akan kukarang cerita
Tentang mimpi jadi nyata
Untuk asa kita ber dua

Percayalah hati lebih dari ini
Pernah kita lalui
Takkan lagi kita mesti jauh melangkah
Nikmatilah lara
Jangan henti disini 

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Conversation of Life and Love: 2nd part



Life: To me, to live means to put effort on what you want to get or achieve. What does it mean to you, Love?
Love: I do also agree with you, Life. But in my case, sometimes effort isn't really necessary. The importance is that we trust that there's God who may always put you on the best direction, though it is crappy and so, so amazingly unbelievable. That you think why it happens to you. Or why this "joke" is just getting too much. 
It is effortless...
So yes, you simply need to SURRENDER. To God, to the universe. 

Sunday, March 6, 2011

Freedom of Captivity


Secret. Silent. Lonesome. Timeless. Confusion. Stupidity. Addiction. Self - destruction. Painful happiness. Dying laugh. Sweet relinquish. 
Hello hell, it's so damn nice to finally meet you!  

Friday, February 4, 2011

Stripes of Melancholia

Friendship.
The word has been bothering my mind ever since last month. I question the truly meaning of it. Well, before I give you my own perspective, perhaps I should write the actual meaning. Literally, the word means the emotions or conduct of friends, the state of BEING FRIENDS, a relationship between friends, but here is the one that I like the most... a state of MUTUAL TRUST and SUPPORT between allied nations or I may say... persons, PEOPLE. In other words, it is an attachment, a unity, a harmony,... a mutual affection. 
My own perspective defines it as the state of knowing that there are these people whom you call "my friends" and you simply want them to be happy, just like you want yourself to be happy too. You need them not only when you need someone to console you anytime you feel down or someone to help you when you haven't studied anything for your exams, but you also do need them to KNOW and REALIZE... that you want to do the same thing for them. That you care about them. That honesty is NOT a difficult issue to share to each other. That you simply want to be there and around for them though times and space tell you the opposite. 
In my opinion, friendship is basically not that easy. Just like other things that color your life, it may go up and down. However, I think neither giving nor getting matter. Never. What really matter is openness and of course... understanding. Therefore, you must realize that if there's no mutual understanding on where exactly you SET THE BOUNDARIES between you and your friends, well then, never be surprised if a disaster comes along. You may want to give your 100% to this idea of friendship, but can your friends handle that? And... most importantly, can you and your pride handle the fact that it is actually too overwhelming for them? That they just really can't take it, yet they never let you understand the situation? So what's next? 
Well, take it from me (me as in my experience). When you are barely given the slightest chance to substantially analyze problems between you guys or just to know where possibly you may stand for them, but in a way never try to disturb them, then that is DEFINITELY the time you need to acknowledge that eventually... you are gonna be all alone, ON YOUR OWN. 
Trust me! You are just gonna seem so,so stupid and PATHETIC if you keep trying to understand it.

So, here it is! For you, my friends if you ever read this... I am sorry, really am sorry that I pull out my anger just because I never got that chance (and of course because I'm not a psychic who can read people's minds... OBVIOUSLY!), but somehow it has taught me to be humbly saying that I apologize if I have ever done anything wrong to you and even if I haven't, I sincerely apologize for letting this PROBLEM (God knew and always know, like you said, who actually did it right?) intrude our so-called- CLOSE FRIENDSHIP, probably forever... My deepest apology to you.



Saturday, January 22, 2011

Non Me Lo So Spiegare (Don't Know How To Explain It)

Some years ago during my exchange year in 2003 - 2004, this song was first introduced by Tiziano Ferro, a famous Italian singer with a deep and strong voice, emphasizing the meaning of the song. It is about relationship and how someone tries to make sense all the problems that come within, even the end of the relationship itself. Tragic, huh?


Un po' mi manca l'aria che tirava
I miss a bit the air that pulled
O semplicemente la tua bianca schiena
Or simply your white back
Nananana nananana

E quell'orologio non girava
And that watch didn't turn
Stava fermo sempre da mattina a sera
It was always stopped from morning to evening
Come me lui ti fissava
Like me, it stared at you
Io non piango mai per te
I never ever cry for you
Non faro' niente di simile no mai, nononono nononono
I will never ever do the same thing, nononono nononono
Si lo ammetto un po' ti penso
Yes, I admit
a bit that I think of you
Ma mi scanso non mi tocchi più
But I dodge that you don't touch me anymore

Solo che pensavo a quanto è inutile farneticare e credere di stare bene
Only that I thought how unnecessary raving and believing in feeling well
Quando è inverno e te
When it's winter and you
Togli le tue mani calde
Take away your warm hands
Non mi abbracci e mi ripeti che son grande
You don't hold me and you repeat me that I am big
Mi ricordi che rivivo in tante cose
You remember me that I relive in many things
Nananananana

Case, libri, auto, viaggi, fogli di giornale
Boxes, books, cars, trips, sheets of newspaper
Che anche se non valgo niente perlomeno a te
That even if I don't value anything at least to you
Ti permetto di sognare e se hai voglia di lasciarti camminare
I allow you to dream and if you have wish to let yourself walk
Scusa sai non ti vorrei mai disturbare
Sorry! You know, I would never ever want to disturb you
Ma vuoi dirmi come questo può finire...
But don't you wanna tell me how this may end...
Non me lo so spiegare io non me lo so spiegare
Dont know how to explain it, I don't know how to explain it

La notte fonda e la luna piena
The deep night and the full moon
Ci offrivano da dono solo l'atmosfera
They offered us only gift of the atmosphere
Ma l'amavo e l'amo ancora,
But I loved it and still love it,
Ogni dettaglio è aria che mi manca e se sto cosi' sarà la primavera
Every detail is an air that I miss and if I feel so then it will be spring time
Ma non regge più la scusa... No! No!
But it doesn't hold anymore excuse... No! No!
Solo che pensavo a quanto è inutile farneticare e credere di stare bene
Only that I thought how unnecessary raving and believing in feeling well
Quando è inverno e te
When it's winter and you
Togli le tue mani calde
Take away your warm hands
Non mi abbracci e mi ripeti che son grande
You don't hold me and you repeat me that I am big
Mi ricordi che rivivo in tante cose
You remember me that I relive in many things
Nananananana

Case, libri, auto, viaggi, fogli di giornale
Boxes, books, cars, trips, sheets of newspaper
Che anche se non valgo niente perlomeno a te
That even if I don't value anything at least to you
Ti permetto di sognare...
I allow you to dream...
Solo che pensavo a quanto è inutile farneticare e credere di stare bene
Only that I thought how unnecessary raving and believing in feeling well
Quando è inverno e te
When it's winter and you
Togli le tue mani calde
Take away your warm hands
Non mi abbracci e mi ripeti che son grande
You don't hold me and you repeat me that I am big
Mi ricordi che rivivo in tante cose
You remember me that I relive in many things
Ah nananananana

Case, libri, auto, viaggi, fogli di giornale
Boxes, books, cars, trips, sheets of newspaper
Che anche se non valgo niente perlomeno a te
That even if I don't value anything at least to you
Ti permetto di sognare e se hai voglia di lasciarti camminare
I allow you to dream and if you have wish to let yourself walk
Scusa sai non ti vorrei mai disturbare
Sorry! You know, I would never ever want to disturb you
Ma vuoi dirmi come questo può finire...
But don't you wanna tell me how this may end...
Eh ma vuoi dirmi come questo può finire
Hey, but don't you wanna tell me how this may end...
Si, ma vuoi dirmi come questo può finire...
Yes, but don't you wanna tell me how this may end...

You may download it through 4shared.com via this link:
http://www.4shared.com/audio/e1ROhzyq/Tiziano_Ferro_-_06_-_Non_Me_Lo.htm

Sunday, January 16, 2011

berteriak




Saya mau berteriak. Ya, saya benar benar ingin berteriak saja. Ya Tuhan, ya teman teman, ya dunia, saya ingin berteriak. Tapi saya rasa tidak ada wadah yang tepat untuk saya meneriakkan ini semua. Jadi saya rasa saya hanya akan berteriak di sini saja. Semoga tidak ada yang terganggu, tapi hati saya tetap bisa lega ketika saya bisa berteriak....
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
Ya, cukuplah itu... Nanti suara saya habis kalau berteriak terlalu banyak, kasihan dia kalau terlalu lelah, sama lelahnya seperti kota Jakarta, sama lelahnya seperti dunia ini, sama lelahnya seperti hati dan pikiran ini. Jadi lebih baik saya sudahi saja sampai di sini. Lagipula hati saya sudah cukup lega. Saya yakin. Ya, saya rasa. Saya berharap. Terima kasih.
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