Stripes of Melancholia

Friendship.

The word has been bothering my mind ever since last month. I question the truly meaning of it. Well, before I give you my own perspective, perhaps I should write the actual meaning. Literally, the word means the emotions or conduct of friends, the state of BEING FRIENDS, a relationship between friends, but here is the one that I like the most... a state of MUTUAL TRUST and SUPPORT between allied nations or I may say... persons, PEOPLE. In other words, it is an attachment, a unity, a harmony,... a mutual affection. 

My own perspective defines it as the state of knowing that there are these people whom you call "my friends" and you simply want them to be happy, just like you want yourself to be happy too. You need them not only when you need someone to console you anytime you feel down or someone to help you when you haven't studied anything for your exams, but you also do need them to KNOW and REALIZE... that you want to do the same thing for them. That you care about them. That honesty is NOT a difficult issue to share to each other. That you simply want to be there and around for them though times and space tell you the opposite. 

In my opinion, friendship is basically not that easy. Just like other things that color your life, it may go up and down. However, I think neither giving nor getting matter. Never. What really matter is openness and of course... understanding. Therefore, you must realize that if there's no mutual understanding on where exactly you SET THE BOUNDARIES between you and your friends, well then, never be surprised if a disaster comes along. You may want to give your 100% to this idea of friendship, but can your friends handle that? And... most importantly, can you and your pride handle the fact that it is actually too overwhelming for them? That they just really can't take it, yet they never let you understand the situation? So what's next? 

Well, take it from me (me as in my experience). When you are barely given the slightest chance to substantially analyze problems between you guys or just to know where possibly you may stand for them, but in a way never try to disturb them, then that is DEFINITELY the time you need to acknowledge that eventually... you are gonna be all alone, ON YOUR OWN. 

Trust me! You are just gonna seem so,so stupid and PATHETIC if you keep trying to understand it.

So, here it is! For you, my friends if you ever read this... I am sorry, really am sorry that I pull out my anger just because I never got that chance (and of course because I'm not a psychic who can read people's minds... OBVIOUSLY!), but somehow it has taught me to be humbly saying that I apologize if I have ever done anything wrong to you and even if I haven't, I sincerely apologize for letting this PROBLEM (God knew and always know, like you said, who actually did it right?) intrude our so-called- CLOSE FRIENDSHIP, probably forever... My deepest apology to you.