Until That Day...

I am not gonna be faithful to you, but I am gonna be faithful to what I believe in... And I believe in finding a way or even making a way if you think there's no way at all.
Maybe I wasn't born as a struggler, but once I am sure enough, I am gonna struggle willingly to my very most.
I can't offer you anything, but the security and fight against the world together
I have nothing to hide. Nothing to pretend.
I feel what I want to feel. I say what I need to say.
The only thing I ask is just simply take me as I am. Nothing more.
And until that time comes to you to know, I am gonna hold on to this honest and genuine love.
So for now, I am gonna be fine, just fine.

The Uncomplicated Bliss of Being in Love with Life

So it's official. I am entering another quarter part of my life, Inshallah, and I believe I can't thank Allah enough for all the bless He has given me so far. I am humbly saying that these past 25 years have been truly miraculous. The road has definitely never been that smooth, but I can't either ask for a better one, because through all these years, I have been being blessed with a lot of stories and experiences, especially in the past three and half years with the presence of others. There are some people who came to my life, some took part in my story and few even left some deep and unerasable strokes, but they all have successfully made it so colorful, full of tears yet of genuine happiness. And yesterday, when I woke up in the morning, I realized that it wasn't only the day I aged, but also the day that I was entering another level of living, which is all about trying to give and believing. When you get something in return, then it's just a bonus for you. Perhaps it sounds too positive and clichè, but the truth is the more age I got, the more fight and faith are required to just live day by day, because you are not alone in this world. Because there are these people, like your family, or your friends, or those random persons you meet, who come to your life with various purposes. Only God knows the real purpose of every each of their presence, but for what I believe now, they are there as God's way to show His greatness, His magnanimity. Hence, you are always told to just surrender and keep believing in His love, for He is the only One who knows what's best for you. So, what we need to do next for acknowledging those persons is simply giving and believing. You try to give them every inch of you as your way to appreciate their existence and you believe that the institution you have with them is something to fight and have faith for. Like in the Murphy's Law that says, "If anything may go wrong, it will go wrong". Same thing happens with your relationship with them, but you can't just ditch them away from your life. So when something goes wrong, you fix it, or at least you try your best to fix it. This is when the struggle is needed and you have to be as strong as possible, but at the end, you don't work alone. There is God and you don't need to work ahead of Him, so this is when the faith is required. Eventhough you don't see anything yet, just trust Him, think positive of Him, and keep praying. If the result isn't like what you expect, at least you have tried. Well, people say that what doesn't kill, makes stronger instead, don't they? Thus, when you come out of the mess alive, you have nothing but a big pile of genuine happiness. Not only for yourself, because you have simply put your effort, but also for all of them who make your life is worth fighting and having faith for. So I thank you and I wish you well, always and forever. This is definitely something that I wanna remember.
At last, I am proudly saying that I am in love with my life :D

A Letter to Tuhan (part 4)

My dear God, here I am again, bowing to Your Greatness.
Please grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference. Please give me the strength to always, always surrender.
There is no better place to share and... to pray but to You.

An Idea of a Perspective

Last weekend I spent half of my day with one of my childhood friends who is also one of my bestfriends. When she asked me to accompany her, soon I assumed that there was something happened to her. Besides, I noticed that in the past couple of days she kept posting Facebook status which were all gloomy and sad. Always mentioning about being strong and all that kind, so clearly those meant that I needed to talk to her or at least console her. Hence, I said yes to her invitation.
We went out with our other friends, singing crazily in the karaoke, laughed too much, and finally had a lovely late dinner. We had fun and I believe she did too. Afterwards, I thought the fun probably had eased her sadness a little bit, so I asked her about what actually had happened. She explained that it was something between her and her "no-strings-attached" boyfriend, whom I happened to meet just couple of times. Long story short, the guy, that she's been close to for about a year, suddenly disappeared and was always busy when she reached him, somehow. Within days, she found out that the guy, yet again somehow, had times to have dinner with his ex. She told me then that what bumped her the most was not because he preferred to be with another girl, but actually the fact that he didn't tell her anything about it and he didn't even make any effort to explain it to her. She was sad and... confused. I imagine. I mean, come on! A year is NOT a short term of time. There must have been feelings, connections, or chemistry between them that at least might trigger his sense of humanity or decency to put a clear air and finish them with maturity, but he simply did not, she said.

She explained briefly and I just remained silent, because I was thinking. This was obviously not the first time I heard about this kind of story and I am pretty sure it isn't your first either. Too many people have encountered this kind of situation, directly or not. So what happen actually? Does it mean that this world has filled with too many bad people? Or wait... I should've asked you all these first. Does he a bad guy? Do all the people who did it should be called and tagged as the BAD PEOPLE?

To me, all those same stories I heard over and over again made me come to the thought that there is NO BAD GUY in this world. There's no such person. It is solely just the matter of your PERSPECTIVE. The perspective of the situation itself. The way you see it in a different way and manner. It shouldn't matter why it happen or even who does it to you, but what you can see behind it should be the matter.  Well, it is said that everything happens for a reason, isn't it? Thus, I believe that everybody is basically a nice person and deserve all the good things in his/her life. When tough problems try very had to drag you down through a person's action or way of treating towards you, think clearly that there are millions of reasons behind them, so you may be able to not blame anyone, especially yourself and get a better outcome from them. It doesn't necessarily mean you just surrender and let everybody else do such things to you. You just dignify the actions maturely with a whole other way that you may take a lesson from in the future. That it happens to you because it is meant to be, because God speaks through His strangely working universe. You probably don't realize it now, but you will. In a mere time. 

Here is another thing. Every each of us wants to be happy and will try to do anything to make ourselves happy. That's a common knowledge. However, there are also situations when we want others to be happy and will try to do anything to make them happy. That's when love and care involve. Therefore, if you really care those persons, if you really love them, you will try anything, insanely anything to make them happy regardless what they do to you, like heartily letting them go and still praying for their happiness. Well, let's just say that it is YOUR WAY to pursue your own happiness. Strange, but that's how I believe universe works.

Good luck pursuing your happiness, my fellow God's creatures and may we all be blessed and get what we deserve.  Cheers!

Blessing in Disguise

Some months ago, I put myself drowning into this one thought of a failure, or a broken heart, or an unsuccessful attempt. Let me ask you something, how many times has it happened to you? Once (I believe not)? Twice? Multiple times? Or… Countless times? I’m pretty sure that all of us must have been there at least once, but those of you who have been there for so, so many times, don’t you wonder why does that shi**y situation keep coming at you over and over again? Don’t you think that you’ve got already enough of that? Don’t you think that you’ve fallen enough till’ you have no... idea how tiring this make you? 

Frankly saying, I do. However, keep questioning will get you nowhere. 

I once asked my mom those same questions and she answered by saying that (Oh, I am so blessed for having such a consoling mother)... For every fall you get, means that you deserve an upgrade. If you think it's kind of a technical upgrading, then yeah, you're there. So actually, God is simply like your computer repairer. He needs to run some test first before He is sure that you are compatible for a better and newer version of... you. Well, I believe He already knows that, but do you? You see, that is exactly why you have to be aware that disguises are just some hidden blessings. I didn't say that, but Rumi did. I am just quoting. Hehehe.   

So, stop questioning, people! Be sad, angry, or mad if you need to. Take all the time you need to seize and release it, but remember! When you're done with the emotions, thank God first and then start to MOVE ON. You don't wanna miss the blessings you're about to get, do you? So come on, keep going! They're not gonna go anywhere. They're just looking forward to meeting you :)

It's too freakin' damn dark and cold!!!

O, my! This blog is one super SAPPY and GLOOMY blog... Seriously! Eventhough I did mean it for this, but this is just too much! Some joy for this blog, please! Ahahaha... =D

Time for me to stop

There's always time like this in life. When you feel so low, rejected, unwanted, and lonely. It's killing inside and outside. Really. So it's never gonna be the situation you want to occur frequently, but what if it did happen frequently? What would you do? What should you do? Some people say to enjoy it, which now seems to me doesn't make any sense at all. To begin with, how could you enjoy something that disturbs you, destroys you? And besides, it's exhaustion that will come if you keep pretending to be fine with it, yet it pushes you over and over again. So we're back to the question of what you should do and where we end up? Nowhere. Thus, it means nothing. Nothing to do. It sucks. DAMN!!!

Peace, perfect peace...

Taking a deep breath

Holding onto it as if it were the last breath to take

Counting on every bit of oxygen that gets into your lungs, contaminates them

And... release it! Release it with a brightly smile and joy you are blessed with. 

Oh yes, you are living the time of your life

You are making peace, a perfect peace with yourself

So it's okay to stop for awhile and ponder over it

Take your time, until you are ready to take another breath 

Imparar a hablar español (learning to study spanish)

Yippieee... Hmm, how do you say yippie in Spanish? Well, anyway. I just registered this afternoon for a spanish class at LBI FIB UI with my long-time friend, Dessy, who went also to Italy for AFS exchange program in 2002-2003. We are gonna start the class on Saturday, May 7, 2011 and we are so... super excited! It will take only once a week, but for 4 hours. Hopefully it's gonna be my big channel for my big future to get a scholarship for master degree to Spain. Amen! :)

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A Letter to Tuhan (Part 3)

Dear Tuhan,

Apa kabar hari ini? It's been quite sometimes the last time I wrote You. It was on Dec 24, 2009 (Wow, it was christmas eve! hahaha. I really didn't realize that, but it didn't mean anything. You knew exactly why I wrote at that time. hehehe :)). 

Well, I guess You must be pretty busy with everything going on in this universe, but here is me, one of your little creatures want to send You a little message today. It has to and must be today. You know why...

Tuhan, I know I haven't been really grateful to all the blessings You've given me so far. I keep whining and complaining about every single thing without never giving my best effort to appreciate this one shot life I am living. My deepest apology to You, Sir! Thus, here's my writing to You as the list of what I think You definitely need to help me to make things better between US (which of course You know it already, obviously. It's just gonna be for the sake of my own good, so that I can remember what I ask to you today clearly well enough ^^)

1. Graduated in Mid of 2012 and Cum Laude

It's gonna take the hell out of me to make it happen, because as You know, I am just an average student and there are ZILLION things that are CAPABLE of distracting my focus of studying. Therefore, I really need your help on this. 

2. Obtained one of the scholarships to take master degree in Sustainability Development

I really want to contribute to the community and I think this may be the best tool. I want to prove not only to the world, but especially to myself that I am not just any other person. I am someone. I may be a little person, but still someone whom others may count on. 

Oh, and Tuhan... the place doesn't really matter to me. Seriously! I simply want the knowledge. As much as possible.

3. Financially independent

This one is actually the most urgent one.  So, it's gotta be as soon as possible.

4. Happy as it should be...

I guess make a peace with myself is what I need for now. Truthfully and honestly, I am tired of having this hard battle with myself, Tuhan. So please, If You would help me... please stop joking around with us! I am no good in any war or battle, neither is myself. We are the worst! You know that. Just make everything as simple as possible. I am gonna be very thankful to You for this.

From all of those above, the most important is that I just simply want to make my parents happy. They are my all and everything. Nothing really matter if I can't make them happy, because I always think that I am alone, all by myself here, but then I realize that there are these people who NEVER gonna leave no matter what I do or what I say. So yeah, Tuhan. Please. Please.Please. Please. Please. Show me how, lead me to the way, help me to struggle for it!

Well, it isn't so much to ask to You, is it? Hehehe. Terima kasih banyak. You are the best, Tuhan! HIGH FIVE!!! ;)